学习英语的段子_关于学英语的说说搞笑

求英语小段子（故事和笑话都行，越短越好，带上中文翻译。）

Good Boy

学习英语的段子_关于学英语的说说搞笑

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。” The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled（被宠坏的） . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum（乱发脾气） . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

When he camIn the rematch the Japanese won by two miles. So the American pany fired the rower.e home from school his grandma met him at the door.

Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?

约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？

哭？约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。

my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I he lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an adve"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds.rtisement in the papers!

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦，

亲爱的，我把珍爱The notorious cheap skate finally decided to he a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

简单的短篇英语笑话_英语美文欣赏？

Hospitality

在 尔民间文学以及整个 尔生活中，笑话作为重要的娱乐形式之一，占据着重要的举足轻重的地位。下面是我带来的简单的短篇英语笑话，欢迎阅读!

简单的短篇英语笑话精选

enior Class

When he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "Can you imagine, " she said. "Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too!"

1 periodic adj.定期的

2 bend down弯腰

Exercises:

根据短文判断下列句子正T、F：

① The doctor came to see the elderly woman regularly.

② The elderly woman would be celebrating her 99th birthday.

③ The doctor was surprised at the news.

④ The elderly woman and the doctor would celebrate their3 restructure v.重组 birthday on the same day.

根据短文判断下列句子正T、误F：

70.年长者阶层

医生按期来探视我的老母。我告诉他母亲不几天就要庆祝她98岁的生日了。医生听了也很高兴，为此，他弯下腰来亲了她一下。然后他说不几天他也要庆祝自己的生日，并要求她还他一个吻。

医生走后，我母亲厌恶地摇摇头。“你能想象吗，”她说，“付了他70元，我还得亲他!”

练习参：

①T②F③F④F⑤T

简单的短篇英语笑话阅读

The Young Man at the Wheel

My infant daughter began crying as I drove home from the store, and since she was harnessed to her safety seat in the back, I couldn't console her. Stopping for a red light, I turned around and wed my hands, calling her name to distract her. I ge her my biggest ile and blew her a kiss. The sound of a horn from the car behind us prompted me to look up. The young man at the wheel was iling broadly .He wed and then blew me a kiss.

1 harness tov.系于;绑于He is harnessed to his job. 他工作脱不开身。

2 console v.给予安慰或同情

3 distract v.转移注意力;使分心

4 prompt v.驱使

5 the man at the wheel驾驶员

6 broadly adv.咧嘴地

Exercises:

根据短文填空：

① My infant daughter began_____ as I drove home from the store.

② And since she was harnessed_____ her safety seat in the back, I couldn't console her.

③ Stopping _____a red light, I turned around and wed my hands, calling her name to distract her.

④ I ge her my biggest ile and her a kiss.

⑤ The young man _____the wheel was iling broadly.

7"This steak could be a little more rare ," I overheard a fellow student say.1.驾车的小伙子

从商场开车回家的路上，我的小宝贝女儿开始哭闹起来。由于她被套在后面的安全座里，所以我无法安慰她。红灯停车的时候，我转过身来，对她摆手，叫她的名字来引她。我给她以满脸笑容，并给她一个飞吻。从我们车后传来的喇叭声立刻使我抬头望去。驾车的小伙子正对我咧著大嘴笑。他向我摆手并给了我一个飞吻。

练习参：

① crying ② to ③ for ④ blew ⑤ at

简单的短篇英语笑话学习

What Went Wrong

A Japanese pany and an American pany had a boat race, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans hired ysts to figure out what went wrong. They reported that the Japanese had one person managing and seven rowing, while the Americans had seven managing and only one rowing. The American pany immediately restructured its team. Now they had one senior manager, six management consultants and one rower.

1 yst n.分析家

2 figure out 想出;演算出

4 consultant n.顾问

Exercises:

根据短文判断下列句子正T、F：

① For the first time in the boat race, the Japanese won by two miles.

② The American pany hired Japanese ysts to find out what went wrong.

③ The Japanese team had two persons managing and five rowing.

④ In the rematch the Japanese won by one mile.

⑤ The American pany fired the rower.

72.问题出在哪里

一家日本公司和一家美国公司进行了一场划船比赛。日本队赢了一英里。美国人便请来了分析家探讨问题出在哪里。他们的报告说日本队有一人掌舵七人划桨，而美国队是七人掌舵一人划桨。美国公司立刻对队伍进行了重组。这次他们有一个高阶舵手、六个舵手顾问、一个划桨员。

在第二次比赛中，日本队赢了两英里。因此，美国公司解雇了划桨员。

练习参：

英语短篇笑话

"I ge it t“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”o a poor old woman," he answered.

英语短篇笑话

A cat has 9 lives.

看英语笑话，开心学习英语!

1、

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I he lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

布朗夫人：哦，

亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

2、

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on(溺爱，宠爱) him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?""Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他天上学才离开祖母的.怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?”“哭?”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”

3、

The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ." "What makes you think you need all these?" Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."

这个病人显得很坚决。“医生，我需要做肝脏移植、肾脏移植、心脏移植、角膜移植、脾脏移植、胰腺移植和……” “你为什么认为你需要做这么多移植手术?”病人回答：“哦，是这样，我的老板说如果我这个人不重新组装的话，就别想保住我的工作!”

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简短的英语笑话精选

Father: This is the sunset my daughter painted. She studied painting abroad, you know.

笑话,顾名思义,是一种通过幽默的文字或图示来达到令人会心一笑或捧腹大笑效果的文学形式。我精心收集了简短的英语笑话，供大家欣赏学习!

父亲在哪儿？

Like most colleges，the food at St. Mary's College of Maryland scores low marks for both quality and variety.One exception is our annual steak-and-shrimp

night;but even this cari t escape the critics.

像很多大学一样，玛丽兰的圣·玛丽学院的伙食无论从花样上，还是从质量上评分都作低。咋一的例外是我们每年的牛排大虾之夜。但，即使是这天的食品，也很难逃脱评论

家的评论。我听到一个学生说:“这块牛排应烧得再嫩一点儿。”

她的同伴说:“小声点儿，一年一次就够稀奇的了。(注:英语中，嫩和稀奇都是rare。)

"Pipe down,"whispered her companion. "O其余的事由我负责nce a year is rare enough !”

简短的英语笑话篇2 经验

The manager of a fast-food franchise was approached by a ager looking for a job. "He you had any experience with fast food?"the manager asked.

一位少年来封一家快餐馆找工作，经理问他:“你有在快餐店工作的经脸吗7"

The young man paused for a moment.“Well，“he replied，”I've eaten a lot of it.”

年轻人想了想说:“这么说吧，我吃过很多次快餐。”

简短的英语笑话篇3 买书，但不用!

" This is the book recommended this quarter,”announced my political science professor on the first day of class. "However，we won't use it much, because my primary purpose is to teach you to think.”

“这段时间，我你们用这本书。”经济学在我们的堂课上说。“可是，我们这本书用得不多。因为，我的主要目的是想教你们怎样思维。”

Angered that my hard-earned money had been wasted,I raised my hand，”You mean I just spent$22. 50 on a book I won't need?"

听到这儿我感到很气愤。难道我辛苦挣来的钱就这么浪费掉了吗?于是，我举手问:“您是说，我刚花了22. 5美元买了本我们不用的书?”

" Good，"replied the professor with a ile."Your re starting to think already."

“很好!"笑着说:“你已经开始思考了。”

通俗易懂短的英语笑话 有翻译

简短的英语笑话篇1 嫩的稀奇!

After Keating had learnt the fine art training course conducted by the Children's Palace for two years,he draw a portrait by the fauvi for his father as his birthday gift.Looking at hisown"portrait painting" , his father felt a pang of pain, saying:"You'd better add the to it and convert it into a gorilla."

在季慈在少年宫学习了2年的绘画培训之后，他给父亲画了一副野兽派的自画像作为生日礼物。 看着这副

野兽派的自画像，他的父亲感到一阵痛楚，你给它加个东西，将它改类六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。为黑猩猩

Why is he crying? 他为什么哭泣？

“Tom, what’s the matter with your brother?” asked the mother in the kitchen. “He’s crying.”

“Oh, nothing, Mum” replied Tom. “I’m eating my cake. He is crying because I won’t give him any.”

“But has he finished his own cake?”

“Yes.” said Tom. “And he also cried when I was helping him finish that.”

“汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？”在厨房的妈妈问道。“他怎么在哭啊？”

“哦，没事儿，妈妈。”汤姆回答道。“我在吃我的蛋糕。因为我不给他，他就哭了。”

“那他吃完了自己那块了？”

“是的。”汤姆说。“我帮他吃蛋糕的时候就哭了。”

Are They Worn Out?

"No," growled the quartermaster, "you can't he a new pair of shoes. The pair you he aren't worn out."

"Not worn out," cried the recruit, " Why, if I step on a dime I can feel if it's head or tails."

还没穿破？

“没穿破，”新兵叫道：“为什么？如果我踩到一个一角硬币，我可以知道踩着的那面是公还是字。”

2.Sunset

Friend: Ah, that accounts for it! I never saw a sunset like that in this country.

日落

父亲：这幅《日落》是我女儿画的，你知道，可能更糟她曾在国外学过画画。

朋友：啊，怪不得！我在本国还从来没有见过这样的日落。

3.A Great Man

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？

学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”

“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”

哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”

【关于大学生英语小笑话短文】 英语小短文

Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!

笑话可以让人们在刻板的学习和工作生活中感到一丝快意和放松，是人们生活不可缺少的“好伙伴”。我精心收集了关于大学生英语小笑话短文，供大家欣赏学习!

first flight

关于大学生英语小笑话短文篇1

What you want is a television set

Bertha was a very pretty girl. Quite a lot of young men wanted to marry her, but she was notsatisfied with any of them.

One day, a young man asked her to become his wife. She answered, "No, John, I won't marryyou. I want to marry a man who is famous, who can play music, who can tell interesting stories,who does not oke or drink , who stays at home in the evenings and who stops talking whenI'm tired of listening." The young man got up, took his coat and went to the door, but beforehe left the house, he turned and said to Bertha, "It isn't a man you're looking for. It's atelevision set."

你要的是台电视机

伯莎是个非常漂亮的姑娘。许多年轻男子都想要娶她，但他对它们却都不满意。

有一天，一个年轻人请求她做他的妻子。她回答说：“不行，约翰，我不想嫁给你，我要嫁给一个有名的人。他会弹奏乐曲，会讲有趣的故事。他不抽烟也不喝酒，每天晚上都呆在家里，当我不想听时他就停止说话。”

年轻人站起身，拿起他的外衣朝门走去，在离开房间以前，他转身对伯莎说：“你要的不是一个男人，而是一台电视机。”

关于大学生英语小笑话短文篇2

Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother tookthem to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for an hour, and then 英语笑话（三）at half past four their aunt took Dick into thekitchen. She ge him a nice

cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick.

Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like agentleman."

"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"

"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.

Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".

绅士

迪克年龄七岁，他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。

孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。”

迪克问：“像一个绅士?绅士怎样做呢?”

他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。”

迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说：“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”

关于大学生英语小笑话短文篇3

A teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she, "has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?"

"Teacher,"said a all boy,"I made someone glad yesterday."

"Well done. Who was that?"

"My granny."

" I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny,I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"

我很高兴

一个老师在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。“现在，孩子们，”她说：“你们当中有谁让别人高兴过?”

“我，老师，”一个小男孩说：“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”

“做得好，是谁呢?”

“我奶奶。”

“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。”

“是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她说：‘啊，我很高兴!’”

有没有关于学习的英语句子?20句有吗?是什么?

"She兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。 is the one who sells the cand遗臭万年。y."

make a study of history 研究历史 a book of -dies for the piano 钢琴练习曲集 a quick [slow] study (台词)记得快[慢] He is fond of study. 他喜欢学习。 I shall not end my -dies when I lee school. 中学毕业后, 我将继续我的学业。 Biology is the study of living things. 生物 学是对生物的研究。 I read your study of farming with interest . 我颇有兴趣地阅读了你的耕作方面的论文。 To write correctly is my study. 我的努力目标是写得正确。 The dictionary is in my study. 那本词典在我的书房里。 There he sat for hours in a (brown) study. 他坐在那儿沉思了几小时。 Afro-American [black] -dies 黑人研究 case study 病历, 档案; 专题研究 desk study 案头研究; 初步探索; 粗陋估量 in a brown study 呆想, 默想, 沉思 make a study of 仔细研究 motion and time study 作和工时的研究 quick [fast] study 能快速记忆背诵的人; 学新东西快的人 study for 为...而学习 study out 想出, 解(谜等) study up 用功预备(考试等) study up on [口]认真研究, 调查, 考查 academic study 人文科学教育; 纯理论教学; 基础理论研究 action oriented study 面向行动的研究 adoptive study 收[寄]养(儿童)研究 advance study 高级进修 og study 模拟法研究 ytical study 分析研究 application study 应用研究 applied educational study 应用教育研究 area study 学科领域研究 attended study 到校上课; 面授 bacteriological study 细菌学的检验[研究] basic study 基础理论研究; 基本[基础]学科 biographical-type case study 传记式个案研究 black study 黑人文化研究 bomb calorimetry study 弹式量热法研究 budget study 预算研究 case study 实例研究, 原因分析 case-control study 病例-对照研究 chemical study 化学分析 chief -dies 主修科 child development study 儿童(身体)发育调查 chromatographic study 色谱分析 clipping study 剪辑研究 cohort study 群组研究[调查] colorimetric study 比色分析 comparative cost -dies 比较成本研究 comprehensive transportation study 综合运输研究 consumer study 消费性需求研究 contrasting -dies 对照科目 correlation -dies 相互关系的研究 cost-benefit study 费用与效益的研究 country perspective study 远景研究 cross-section study 横切研究 cultural -dies 文化科目; 文化研究 decision-orientated study 定向研究 departmentalized study 分组活动[作业] descriptive study 描述(流行病学)研究 diagnostic -dies 诊断性研究(研究学生困难所在) directed private study 有指导的自学 distance study 远距离学习; 广播、函授学习 double session -dies 二部教学 econometric -dies of consumer demand 消费者需求的计量经济研究 economic study 经济研究[分析] empirical -dies of cost sche dules 成本表列的经验(或实况)研究 empirical -dies of consumer demand 消费者需求的经验(或实况)研究 empirical -dies to provide magnitudes in input-output ysis 经验研究提供投入-产出分析所需的数量 engineering study 工程研究 environmental study 环境研究 experimental study 实验性研究 external study 校外学习 fabric study 组织[结构]研究 feasibility study (系统)可行性研究 field study 现场研究 focusing study 集中学习 follow-up study 追踪研究 foundation -dies (准备升学的)基础课 free study 自由作业 frequency study 工作的抽样检验 general -dies 普通学科 general study of personality 普通性格学 group study 小组[集体]研究 home study 家庭作业 函授学习 humanistic study

有关英语小笑话带翻译短一些:英语小笑话带翻译简短

笑话是文化的重要组成部分,通过笑话,我们可以了解一个的文化内涵。我精心收集了有关短一些的英语小笑话带翻译，供大家欣赏学习!

有关短一些的英语小笑话带翻译篇1

i'll see to the rest

a guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.

"come on, miss!" he shouted. "shut the door, please!"

"oh, i just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.

"you just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and i'll see to the rest."

一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。

“快点，!”他喊道：“请把门关上。”

“噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。

“请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。”

有关短一些的英语小笑话带翻译篇2

mr. johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own all phane, mr. johnson was very worried about accepting. finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and mr. johnson boarded the plane.

his friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. mr. johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.

after a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "look at those people down there. they look as all as ants, don't they?"

"those are ants," answered his friend. "we're still on the ground."

次坐飞机

约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。

他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。

过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是?”

“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。”

有关短一些的英语小笑话带翻译篇3

my first and my last

when george was thirty-five, he bought a all plane and learned to fly it. he soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.

george had a friend. his name was mark. one day george offered to take mark up in his plane. mark thought, "i've trelled in a big plane several times, but i've never been in a all one, so i'll go."

they went up, and george flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.

when they came down again, mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "well, george, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."

gerogy was very surprised and said, "two trips?"

"yes, my first and my last," answered mark.

次与一次

乔"She is the one who sells the candy."治35岁时买了架小型飞机，并开始学习驾驶。不久，他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。

乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天，乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想，“我乘大客机飞行过好几次，还从来没有乘过小飞机，我不妨试一试。”

升空后，乔治飞A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟了有半个小时，在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。

后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说：“乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。”

乔治非常吃惊地问：“两次飞行?”

“是的，我的次和一次。”马克答道。

有关学习的英语句子

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？

self-study

good“不行，”军需官大声说：“你不能领一双新鞋子，你穿着的那双还没有穿破。” work

show me一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

hard to konw

good job

speak lowly

hard to hear

.......

急求英语小笑话带翻译

⑤ The elderly woman thought the doctor was too mean.

A policeman took a monkey to his boss. The boss asked, "What kind of monkey business are you getting up to? He said, "This monkey was wandering on the streets, not following any of the rules. I'm turning him in. The boss said, "Oh, my God! You're so dumb! If you catch a monkey, you he to take it to the zoo. Why bring it to me. Take it to the zoo! So the policeman took the monkey out. Three or four days later, he was seen again, holding the monkey's hand. He took the monkey to the police car, opened the door, put it in, and was about to drive away. The boss saw this, ran out, and asked, "Oh, my God! How come the monkey is still here? I told you to take it to the zoo. The policemanreplied, "Yes, sir. I've already taken him to the zoo. Today, I'm taking him to see a movie." 有一位警察大哥带了只猴子给他上司看，他上司就说他：“你搞什么猴子把戏？”警察大哥说：“这猴子在大街上到处乱跑，什么法律都不懂，我把它捉了回来，治它的罪。” 上司说：“天啊，你怎么那么笨？捉到猴子就把它带到动物园去嘛，带给嘛？带它到动物园去。”后来那警察大哥就带了猴子出去了。 三、四天后还看见他跟猴子手拉手打开警察车门让猴子坐进去，正准备开车，他上司跑了出来说他：“天啊，为什么到现在还把猴子留在这儿，我不是叫你把它带到动物园去的吗？为什么还在这儿？” 警察大哥：“我有呀！我已经带它去了动物园，今天带它去看电影！

4.Where is the father?

meiyou

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can he fleas, but a flea can't he monkeys.

猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？

A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。

英语笑话（二）

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一个大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 墓地守墓人。

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter ge her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它们是从美国直接带来的

一位老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I he lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦，

亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must he been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员，

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

英语笑话（七）Advice for "Kid"

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

忠告“年轻者”

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，

英语笑话（八）Which woman?

One evening I drove my huand's car to the shopping mall.

On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."

My huand looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

哪一位女人？

一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”

我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”

英语笑话（九）The doctor lives downstairs

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

医生住在楼下

“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。

“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”

他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”

英语笑话（十）One Engine Left

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We he lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we he left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

只剩一个引擎

一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”

好孩子

小罗伯特向Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.妈妈要两分钱。

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

A Good Boy

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

汤姆：约翰尼，你好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外远，他赢了。

I He His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I he his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor iled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must he better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话

上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you

know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著

性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的

一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是

能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I he a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

Be Much Worse

Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd he found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：当你的手表被抢的时候，你为什么不大声喊叫呢？

男士：如果我张嘴喊叫，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那样情况就更糟了！